Regret
by sorairodays
Summary: Princess Yue reflects on her destiny to become the Moon Spirit, recalling memories from her childhood and her moments spent with Sokka. SokkaxYue


❝ I can still remember that cold evening when we first met  
You had your mark on me you know you did  
And every note and word you sang to me  
Have never made their way out of my head  
When you're away they keep me hanging on  
But in our world you're only there, here until you're gone. ❞

—**Mae**, _My Favorite Dream_

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**Disclaimer:** _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ belongs to Mike DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko

I wish I had been able to visit my sister tribe, the one you so highly spoke of during our casual conversations. I want to feel the wind on my face as I race down a hill on a penguin and gorge myself on homemade stewed sea prunes. There are so many things I've yet to learn about my southern sister, but that day will never come. Fate has brought me to a different world. A world where I can longer feel the touch of a loved one, or enjoy the smell of the crisp winter air with a hint of burning wood from a nearby home.

My mother used to tell me folk-tales about the moon and ocean spirits Tui and La and how their love for one another traversed through many lifetimes. No matter how many times I fell asleep to the sound of my mother's voice telling me these tales, I never grew tired of them once. When I was a little girl I remember yearning for a love as great as Tui and La's, and it only grew when I heard a rumor spreading through our tribe. It had been said that Tui and La crossed over from the spirit world into our own so they could help mankind, but their physical forms were unknown and thus were hidden from the human eye. Hidden. Hidden from anything that threatened to disrupt their balance amongst themselves and the rest of the world. I admired how deep their love was.

The winter I turned 14, the weather was particularly harsh. The temperature was below freezing, threatening to give you frost bite as soon as you exited your home. My mother made sure I never left the house without an extra layer of parkas and furs to wrap around my neck. But there was one day that year I'll never forget. Wrapped up in my extra layers, my mother and I went out to buy food before a storm was about to hit our tribe, according to the water benders. We left our house to a crystal clear sky but were soon engulfed in a blanket of white, making it almost impossible to see in front of us. I felt like I had been swept into a cloud made of snow and before I knew it, I felt unseasonably warm. My mother had taken us into the Spirit Oasis, the most sacred area in the north.

It was my first time being in the Spirit Oasis, and everything I had heard about it came to life. The air was warm and made me remember the stories of my father and his travels in the Earth Kingdom during the spring. While I had never left the north myself, I imagined how I felt in the Spirit Oasis and that it must be similar to the weather in the Earth Kingdom my father so highly spoke of. I wanted more of it. I felt like a free bird in the sky without all my layers that often felt restraining.

The harsh conditions outside forced my mother and I to spend the night in the Spirit Oasis. While she was setting up an area to rest for the night, I found myself prancing over the small bridges that connected the various separated pieces of land while gliding my fingers through the water. When my mother wasn't looking, I pretended I knew how to be a waterbender, my movements being fluid like the water. I knew females weren't allowed to learn fighting techniques but that didn't stop me from daydreaming about what it would be like to move so gracefully. I had always admired Master Pakku and his waterbending students when they would perform at our special events, never once letting their fluid motions get out of synch with the water they so obediently had control over. My daydreaming came to a halt when I took notice of small patches in the ground that were occupied by small pink flowers. I had never seen plants like this in real life, their petals soft as the fur on a baby polar bear dog and a pink hue similar to a child's cheeks when they've played outside in the snow for too long. My parchments from school didn't do these flowers justice and I found myself laughing at the idea of anyone thinking they were capable of capturing something so beautiful, on a mere sheet of parchment.

Before I know it, night is upon us and I'm curled up next to my mother as she swipes away stray hairs from my face. That's when something interesting caught my eye. I noticed two shadows in the central pond that is before us and I find myself captivated by their circular movements.

"What are those fish?" I asked

"Those are Koi fish. They protect the Spirit Oasis from harm, it's their duty." My mom answered.

"It seems kind of lonely, doesn't it? I haven't noticed any other signs of animals living here."

"That is because not many animals can adapt to the temperatures in here. Just like yourself, the animals of the north would be much too hot with all their fur. They can't just remove it like we can!"

My mother attempts to tickle me with the fur collar from my parka, but I counter back with the wiggle of my body and a laugh.

"That's awfully brave of them though, to take on such a huge duty of protecting the Spirit Oasis. At least they have each other. You know, it's really admirable these fish have such a great role in our tribe. It makes me want to do something important someday!"

And with that, our playful banter ended. My mother kissed me on the forehead and said it was time for bed. I didn't understand at the time, but…now it all makes sense. I had brought up something I didn't even know she knew, and it pains me to think I may have hurt her back then. Little did I know, my destiny would be decided two years later by the spirits. The spirits I admired wholeheartedly growing up, dreaming of finding a love as great as theirs and doing something that would help change the world.

I found that love, and I was able to achieve that greatness. But I wasn't able to live it. Does that make me selfish? Does it make me selfish for wanting to live out this love I had found, to grow old with this person and see where the world would take us?

I miss you. I know our time together was short, but that is the happiest I had felt in my 16 years of being in the real world. You made me feel alive, different…brave? I'm not entirely sure, but there are so many emotions that went through me when we were together and I miss everything you made me feel. You made me feel like I was a kid again, running through the snow after new dusting, laughing until I could laugh no more. I didn't have to be prim and proper, or worry about exploring parts of town I'd never seen before, because you were with me. The way you nervously tried to hold my hand and your random scientific explanations as to why certain things happen were and still are, things I love about you. The pressures of arranged marriage and the politics of our tribe seemed insignificant. You gave me hope and so much happiness. I'm sorry I haven't been able to do the same for you. I know you feel some degree of guilt for my fate but I promise you, sometimes, destiny is a funny thing. You saved me in so many ways that I'll never be able to tell you. The amount of freedom and love I felt during the days I met you, is enough to last me for eternity and is something I never would have been able to felt if I had never met you.

Decades have passed since my destiny was decided. You're much older now and those chin-ups you often speak of have done wonders. You're not the same boy I met all those years ago during the 100 Year War. When things fell during the Day of Black Sun you took charge. You entrusted your new ally, an exiled Prince from the Fire Nation, to rescue your family and friends from The Boiling Rock. I've watched you, an inexperienced warrior from my sister tribe, the Southern Water Tribe, become victor over many hardships along the way to only achieve your ultimate destiny. To help stop the Fire Lord on the day of Sozin's Comet and restore balance to the world.

I am so proud of you. As much as I would have loved to experience these events with you, I'm happy to have had the honor of watching over you, day and night. You're growing older and achieving great things as I continue to stay the same since the first time we met, never changing. But that doesn't stop me from loving you after all these years. I know great things are bound for you and your friends and your family. The 100 Year War is over and balance is finally being restored to the world. Republic City is a testament to that.

As long as time continues to flow, I'll always be with you. I at least owe you that much for saving me, even though you think otherwise.

So thank you.

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**A/N:** Hello Avatar fandom! I've been a fan of ATLA ever since it first aired on Nickelodeon but never really had anyone to talk about it with. BUT, thanks to the power of the internet, aka tumblr, I've formed friendships with some amazing people and have been on an epic journey to rediscover my love for the series. Watching Avatar is also a lot different when you're older hehe~ My love for the series has grown and I'm often finding myself over analyzing the plot and its characters, because well, that's what I do best! It's amazing what a realistic world Mike and Bryan have managed to create and I'm so glad to be falling in love with the series all over again.

I've had this idea in my head for awhile...and that's to reflect on the deaths of characters from the series. Since they usually weren't major characters, I find it quite sad that we never really heard much of them after their deaths. I'm not sure where this is going, but I'd like to have a series of short stories of each of the characters who lost their lives.

Princess Yue was the first musing I had, since she's not only the "first character death" we experience while viewing the show, but she is closely connected to Sokka who happens to be one of my favorite characters. We saw some post Sokka reactions to Yue's death but never really had an idea what it was like for Yue herself. So that's what I'm trying to achieve here with this story. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Reviews are much appreciated, and no, this was not beta read by anyone ;;


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